Regardless of whether it is 'should' or 'is' - the answer is not necessarily. I think that you need to save peoples feelings sometimes and also to just smooth things over. But you should always be honest about the important things - love, life, death, work etc. That's what I think.
Having small excitable children I find my days can be filled with small white lies (the batteries have run out, that show is not on TV today, we don't have any more baked beans, etc) call me a bad mother but that is the way it is. xoxo
Regardless of the verbs, the more grown up those around me get, I note there is (seemingly) many differences in perceptions and as a result, the truth can be ellusive as I define it, or you, or what have you...
In any event, it is generally my policy not to ask a question to which I cannot accept an absolutely truthful reply. Though I am always grateful when same is phrased-up with consideration and grace.
Regardless of the verbs, the more grown up those around me get, I note there is (seemingly) many differences in perceptions and as a result, the truth can be ellusive as I define it, or you, or what have you...
In any event, it is generally my policy not to ask a question to which I cannot accept an absolutely truthful reply. Though I am always grateful when same is phrased-up with consideration and grace.
Of course, this is not as simple a question as it appears, but if we are talking about the kind of quotidian situation such as mentioned by Columnist then for me there are two answers to this question: say nothing or lie. Both are good manners.
"Honesty" is a virtue and I consider it to be just as the flower it was named after, spreading good seeds without spreading deceit. We need more honesty in the world.
However, if there was only honesty, there perhaps would be no mystery, no intrigue for the dark side. We have seen enough dishonesty with great power, does power breed dishonesty and deceit?
In response to pve, I would agree that power and money (as the two are regular sidekicks) nurture dishonesty. With great risk comes a desire (or some may argue need) for deceitful behavior.
I have found that honesty has proved an unfailing companion.
It is such a simple thing to say or tell or think the truth; yet somewhere between the thought and the brain telling the mouth what to say, the end result gets altered sometimes.
I still think that the truth will always set you free. I do want to be free,....... and not guilt ridden or filled with small little me bads!
Honesty is the only policy. Even white lies - rhetorical games and strategies - come back to haunt you. Put it another way: insincerity ultimately hurts.
By the way, the question 'does my bum look big in this?' is a form of emotional violence. To dwell upon the morality of the disingenuous answer is to miss the point that the question itself is unlikely to lead to good things.
Of course Honesty must be the only policy in business associations. One's integrity must be unquestionable. However, I find quite often, questions from both clients and family are a plea for affirmation and approval. Use care and listen for the "real" question before imparting too much honesty.
The response Blushing Hostess is quite a bundle of good advice. One can see the law school coming through here, with the twist of the cardinal rule of cross examination: never ask a question if you don't already know the answer.
Having said that, I find honesty to be an absolute requirement if I am going to trust someone.
Of course. But, ultimately, we should be quick with a gentle side step if pain is going to be caused. There seems to be a lot of cruelty being presented in the guise of honesty lately. There's no virtue in that.
honesty is good, however, it is all in the delivery.
sometimes an honest comment is simply a hurtful and unnecessary opinion, and not necessarily the truth. one must step back and weigh all sides to truly be objective, and then decide if the person needs to hear it.
Not really a "should" question.
ReplyDeletewould you suggest IS? rather.
ReplyDeleteOf course. But diplomacy is important too, such as when you are asked "does my bum look big in this?".
ReplyDeleteRegardless of whether it is 'should' or 'is' - the answer is not necessarily. I think that you need to save peoples feelings sometimes and also to just smooth things over. But you should always be honest about the important things - love, life, death, work etc. That's what I think.
ReplyDeleteHaving small excitable children I find my days can be filled with small white lies (the batteries have run out, that show is not on TV today, we don't have any more baked beans, etc) call me a bad mother but that is the way it is. xoxo
Regardless of the verbs, the more grown up those around me get, I note there is (seemingly) many differences in perceptions and as a result, the truth can be ellusive as I define it, or you, or what have you...
ReplyDeleteIn any event, it is generally my policy not to ask a question to which I cannot accept an absolutely truthful reply. Though I am always grateful when same is phrased-up with consideration and grace.
Regardless of the verbs, the more grown up those around me get, I note there is (seemingly) many differences in perceptions and as a result, the truth can be ellusive as I define it, or you, or what have you...
ReplyDeleteIn any event, it is generally my policy not to ask a question to which I cannot accept an absolutely truthful reply. Though I am always grateful when same is phrased-up with consideration and grace.
Of course, this is not as simple a question as it appears, but if we are talking about the kind of quotidian situation such as mentioned by Columnist then for me there are two answers to this question: say nothing or lie. Both are good manners.
ReplyDelete"Honesty" is a virtue and I consider it to be just as the flower it was named after, spreading good seeds without spreading deceit. We need more honesty in the world.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if there was only honesty, there perhaps would be no mystery, no intrigue for the dark side.
We have seen enough dishonesty with great power, does power breed dishonesty and deceit?
In response to pve, I would agree that power and money (as the two are regular sidekicks) nurture dishonesty. With great risk comes a desire (or some may argue need) for deceitful behavior.
ReplyDeleteI have found that honesty has proved an unfailing companion.
Interesting question?
ReplyDeleteIt is such a simple thing to say or tell or think the truth; yet somewhere between the thought and the brain telling the mouth what to say, the end result gets altered sometimes.
I still think that the truth will always set you free. I do want to be free,....... and not guilt ridden or filled with small little me bads!
Leslie
Honesty is the only policy. Even white lies - rhetorical games and strategies - come back to haunt you. Put it another way: insincerity ultimately hurts.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the question 'does my bum look big in this?' is a form of emotional violence. To dwell upon the morality of the disingenuous answer is to miss the point that the question itself is unlikely to lead to good things.
beingmanly.blogspot.com
Of course Honesty must be the only policy in business associations. One's integrity must be unquestionable. However, I find quite often, questions from both clients and family are a plea for affirmation and approval. Use care and listen for the "real" question before imparting too much honesty.
ReplyDeleteThe response Blushing Hostess is quite a bundle of good advice. One can see the law school coming through here, with the twist of the cardinal rule of cross examination: never ask a question if you don't already know the answer.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I find honesty to be an absolute requirement if I am going to trust someone.
Well, it should be but in practise I learned it isn't!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice weekend and thank you so much for your comments on my blog! You are so sweet!
xx
Greet
Of course. But, ultimately, we should be quick with a gentle side step if pain is going to be caused. There seems to be a lot of cruelty being presented in the guise of honesty lately. There's no virtue in that.
ReplyDeletehonesty is good, however, it is all in the delivery.
ReplyDeletesometimes an honest comment is simply a hurtful and unnecessary opinion, and not necessarily the truth. one must step back and weigh all sides to truly be objective, and then decide if the person needs to hear it.